Its the Great Turkey, Charlie Brown!

I got a beef with the whole Pilgrims and Indians thing going on with Thanksgiving.

Get it? Beef? It's meat like a turkey...never mind. Wolfie's glaring at me.

Anyway, Lian's part of this school play/pageant thing and they asked her if she would be Pocahontas.

Yes, Pocahontas. Never mind she was about a hundred years later and about 600miles south of Plymouth. They also wanted the kid playing Squanto to wear a headdress with the most LURID pink, purple, turquoise and sunflower yellow feathers to signify he's a chief. Nevermind that Squanto was never a chief to begin with and wasn't a Plains tribe that wore the long headdresses. Let's just embrace the stereotype and run with it, keep promoting that the natives of this country continue to be second class citizens and an afterthought long after blacks and Hispanics fought and (mostly) received equality a few decades ago. 

It's okay to call a sports team the "Redskins" but we can't possibly call them the "Darkies" or the "Wetbacks".

Anyway, off the soapbox before Wolfie strangles me, Lian's all excited to be Pocahontas and demands to wear her dance costume for the play.  I am, naturally, horrified and refuse. That dance costume is a ceremonial outfit, not a freaking stage costume for the sick amusement of parents who wouldn't know their nations' history if it bit them on the...Hi Wolfie! No I wasn't going to say anything inappropriate.  So I tell Lian 'no'.  Okay I used ruder words, I'll admit it.  H-E- double hockey sticks was dropped into the sentence.

"Weren't the Dineh thankful, Daddy?" Lian asks me.

I think about it. "Probably not. They were too busy helping the Pueblo burn out the Franciscans, Eta Yazi."

She didn't like that answer at all.  I'm in the dog house, not literally mind you because Crius managed to destroy the last three and I won't buy another one. When he needs to be kicked out of the house, he goes in the freaking garage now.  But I am now, officially, on Lian's "won't speak to unless spoken to" list.

It's kind of nice. I can watch whatever TV I want because she won't talk to me to wheedle me into her show or complain. I can cook whatever food I want and she has to eat it or go hungry because she won't tell me what she's hungry for. This has only gone on for three days now, but I'm thinking that by after school tomorrow when all the kids have to show up with their costumes and she's wearing a suede leftover Halloween sale costume, things will be okay.

I hope so. Lian not talking to me is rather unnerving.  Mainly because now she's talking to Crius (who just looks at her and gives one of his wall shaking woofs) or her stuffed animals, who she also answers for and it's kinda freaking me out.

RH

And the rockets red glare...

I'm thinking of changing my name to Red Rocket.  Or Rocket Red?  My daughter informed me I was dumb when I told her.  Out of the mouth of babes...

In other news, Nightwing's personality has returned from Batland, unfortunately the sense of humor did not improve.  I was patrolling the other night, dodging the occasional Roman candle accidentally pointed at me as I awkwardly jumped from roof to roof, when suddenly a long strand of itty bitty firecrackers landed in front of me.  About scared the holy living whatchamawhosit out of me (Lian's sitting next to me watching me type).  I actually dived behind a smoke stack for cover.  He comes out from behind another smoke stack just laughing himself sick. 

"Is that pop big enough for you or do I need to resort to Napalm?"

That's the best he's got?  Really?  I may have to buy the man a joke book. A book of puns, something, cuz that was embarrassingly pathetic.  I was almost ashamed to share the same rooftop with him.

Anyway, Lian and I are going to throw some dead things on the grill today. Ollie's dragging over the clan.  Hal said he might stop by later.  Winger is obviously in town so who knows who else of the Batcrew is wandering around Star City as well, if any. I foresee another possible grocery run.  If Bruce Wayne shows up, I'm gonna make him do it...and pay for it.  Heh heh.  Then I'll hack into the store's security footage for the show later.  If the man knows where mayonnaise is located I'll be shocked. 

Then we'll be watching and participating in the neighborhood's cooperative fireworks display.  Ollie as usual went overboard on the purchasing. I'm hoping someone knows how to set off some of what he bought.  I'm fairly certain I'm fresh out of long fuses.

Happy Fourth of July to all American home and abroad!

The dog is a freakin' genius!

I'm a slacker.  Wolfie said so. She'd know. *cough*slacker*cough*  However, I must report that my daughter's dog is a freakin' GENIUS dog. Watch out, Ace the Bathound, Crius the Arrow Dog is going to streak your lightening...

I know, that was lame.  Sue me. (And Lian named him 'the Arrow Dog'...I'm sure Ollie was involved)

He barks. I have complained of his noise before as I recall.  But he doesn't just 'bark'.  He woofs.  And he doesn't just 'woof', he WOOFS.  Like Mouse from the Dresden Files woofs...only without the magic glow and feet that make earthquakes.  It scared the crap out of me and three goons trying to break into the house. 

Lian has wandered off for the summer break to stay with the Santoses (I smell more Disney induced insanity in Martin's future) for a few weeks, so I took advantage of the offspring free atmosphere to have more than two beers and pass out in front of the most boring soccer game ever.  I hear glass break and get up, only to have my eardrums ruptured by Crius barking.  Even better!  He's got ALL THREE of the housebreakers squashed against the wall with his mammoth-sized body and was barking at me to get my butt up and help!

I love our dog.  I don't know what he is other than canine, but I love our dog.

How does the texting work?  Roy <3 Crius?

I told Nightwing I'm going to train Crius to be my sidekick.  Winger was unamused...not unusual these days.  Robins version C and E (I refuse to acknowledge the whole Red Robin nonsense...yummm) laughed their butts off and even Bats cracked a teeny tiny smile.  I think ol' Bats is mellowing in his old age. 

So I think I'm going to further enjoy an offspring free house tomorrow and repaint Lian's bedroom a less lurid shade of pink.  I feel like I'm walking into a Vegas bordello everytime I tuck her in at night.  Maybe something more light burgundy than Barbie (Mia's words not mine).

RH

Ask not what a costume can do for you...

...but what you can do for your costume.

Lian's trying to decide what to do for a costume for Halloween.  She has narrowed it to the following (one of them I'm trying not to be offended by, guess which one):

1) Red Riding Hood
2) Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz (she found a basket with a Toto in it)
3) Batgirl a la purple outfit
4) a witch (traditional green face and I told her if she picks this option we will NOT be telling our Dineh friends)
5) a spider (no idea why)


I'm going to be either:
1) Brad from Rocky Horror (I have a showing the 30th anyway)
2) a medieval knight (I could borrow armor from a friend's collection! *cough*BruceWayne*cough*)  *clank* *clank* *clank*
3) The Big Bad Werewolf (but only if Lian goes as RRH)
4) Nightwing (I personally think this would be hilarious but Dinah doesn't think so)

I think Dinah should go as:
1) The Wicked Queen from Sleeping Beauty
or
2) Karrin Murphy from the Dresden Files.  It's not like she hasn't read my ENTIRE COLLECTION of the books and not returned them or anything.

Ollie said he was going as Robin Hood.  (dry look)  How original.  Man has no imagination when it comes to Halloween.  Sheesh.

I told Mia she needed to go as a Vegas showgirl...she voted yes.  Ollie and Dinah voted no.  I've already bought her the costume.  Heh heh.

Connor is apparently above all this and has refused to participate.  I got him a costume that's the back end of a cow.  He's taking Lian trick or treating with Mia while I go to a party of an old CBI buddy's.  He just doesn't know it...well, I guess he does now.  More heh hehing.

I love Halloween!

I had a girl and Donna was her name

Wolfie asked me a tongue-in-cheek question the other day that I just slapped off a snarky answer to without really thinking about it.  It's my way.

Wolfie- "Roy, of all the women in your life, who do you imagine would go for the white pickett fence and 2.5 children with a dog on the side?"

My snappy answer?  "None of the them, babe, it's why my fence is brown."  She laughed and went her merry way.  It did get me thinking later, though.  Would ANY of the women I've been with be the 'right one' for a white pickett fence kind of deal?

Yeah, I think Donna would.  It would be rough on her, having the background she has but I think Donna would go for the white pickett fence, picnics in the park, the dog walk on fall evenings and stringing cranberries for garland on the Christmas tree.  It's a waste of cranberries, really, but Lian digs that sort of thing.

Donna would still want to go off and save the world, but she'd make damn sure someone would be tucking the kids in at night, me or her.  And that lunches are packed with nutritious but fun foods and that the weekends are constructive but entertaining. 

What do you all think?  Inquiring red-heads want to know...

RH

Crius was appropriately named

Does anyone have a method to stop puppies from crying piteously for hours on end beginning at midnight when I finally leave my study from working to go to bed?  Lian's visiting the Santoses for a couple weeks, visiting their kids and stuff.  It's just me and the mutt.  And when I go to bed...he starts to live up to the sound of his name, if not the definition. Have to admit (over hot coals, truth serum, and the threat of Granny Goodness in a thong bikini) that the dog is rather cute, fluffy, adorable and one mean deterrent to squirrels.

In other news, heard from an old Checkmate buddy (not Martin) and we went out for drinks and carousing.  Hard to carouse with eagle eyed daughter making sure I'm clean and sober.  Aaron and I got stone drunk and it was nice.  Well, not the next morning, but just to relax, get out and do manly things without worrying overly much about consequences.  He gave me a lot of grief about not taking home one of the hot booties that was all over me like white on rice all night, but honestly, I must be getting old in my getting to the late 20s (not telling, lalalala).  I just wasn't interested in a one night stand.


(wry look)  Dinah would tell me I'm growing up.  Dick would tell me I'm being responsible.  Ollie would tell me to stop whining and get laid.  Not sure who's the most sensible, to be honest.  Isn't THAT scary?

Belated 4th of July

To all of you Americans, want to be Americans, soon will be Americans and just people interested in America, we as a country celebrated our 235th birthday this past Monday.  It got me thinking.  We celebrated the WHITE celebration of this country's birth.  Not so much our Native brethren (approximately 16000-13000 years), or our Latino brothers and sisters (494 years), or our Scandinavian homies (930 years give or take a decade).  All that work previous to 1776, totally ignored.

Lian's last bit of social studies homework before she was released into my custody for the summer (yay) wanted her to answer a very broad question with a short and sweet text book answer.  "What created the birth of the United States?"  They wanted "The American Revolution".  And yes I realize she's only in 1st grade so you have to keep it a little simple, but I honestly want to know why is it just THAT particular event that defined the people on this portion of the continent as a nation?  We weren't unified when it was done.  There was still the 'us versus them' mentality against non-whites and even people in a different states, parish or county.  The white population didn't truly 'unite as one', so to speak, until well after the American Civil War.  Is THAT when we were 'born' as a unified nation?  Then why not wait until immigrants could apply for citizenship, women could legally vote in federal and state elections uniformly, segregation eliminated permanently in the 1960s, or does this process only happen in war?

I broke my daughter's brain when I asked her that.  She had NO idea what I was talking about.  I broke Ollie, Dinah, Connor and Dick's brains too. Apparently they aren't used to me deep thinking.  Mia actually argued with me that it's symbolic.  It's when the WORLD acknowledged America as a sovereign nation, separate from Great Britain and other nations.

I can get behind that. Go US!  Get it?  US?  U.S.?

...
 Never mind, you buncha slackers.  I'm going to go shoot pointy things at a bunch of circles and teach my daughter how to not pass out in 100 degree heat. :P

RH